(408) 410-4341 JM@judithmcfarland.com
wreath

Floating Wreath

We all go through life transitions. If we live long enough, we go through many.

Some are positive, some are not. Some people go through the adaptions required by change with relative ease. Some struggle with all change. All people struggle with some kinds of change.

Some changes are positive for some people but extremely difficult and negative for another. An example might be divorce; the partner who initiates the divorce may feel mostly excited and relieved, while the other partner feels rejected, abandoned, lonely and depressed. One looks forward to a new life while the other can’t stop grieving the loss of the old life.  One may understand the reasons for their choice to leave, while the other is confused and frightened, feeling it was unjustified and came out of nowhere.

We are all wired to pay more attention to negative feelings than to positive feelings.  Negative feelings result from painful or frightening experiences.  They have the power to teach us to avoid those situations in the future.  Sometimes that is protective; you touch something hot and get burned.  You remember that, and don’t touch hot things anymore.  At the same time, the negative painful feelings that result from some life transitions can have the power to make a person decide to avoid situations, such as relationships, which will also result in loneliness and isolation.

Some life transition experiences are unavoidable.  As a person ages they will inevitably experience loss; loss of friends who move away or find other friends, loss through people dying, loss of jobs, loss of health, etc.  It is important for your health and well being to learn to handle changes with some degree of flexibility and positivity.

Some people appear to be relentlessly cheerful and in denial about grief and loss.  Sometimes they are in denial but sometimes they have adopted a life philosophy of accepting life as it is, changing what can be changed, and finding the small positive joys in life.

The important word could be small!  Throughout many life life transitions there are big and painful losses, yet there are small remaining joys, and the trick is to find them.

If this is an exhausting struggle for you, I urge you to seek quality professional help.  An appropriate and skilled therapist can assist you in changing the ways in which these life transitions are affecting you, helping you to find relief and pleasure.

Thanks for reading this.